Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
