I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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