Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
