in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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