I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
