Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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