I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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