hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
