you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
