I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize