butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
