My boss' voice literally gives me gas
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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