Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
