A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
