you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
