so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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