I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
