and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
