I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
