I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
