I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
lol hangovers are for mortals.
as a side note pls kill me
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