Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
