He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
