so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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