why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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