dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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