go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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