bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
