you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We have started to decorate penises.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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