Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
