my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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