If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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