2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
