Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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