I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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