I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
