I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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