I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
