You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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