i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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