weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
