OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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