I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fuck appropriateness.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
