This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
