DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
