it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
