Banned from zoo.
Again?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
