Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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