party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
