Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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