Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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