can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize