chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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