Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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