12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
