If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
