mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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