Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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