he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
