I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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