OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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