Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
