i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
