new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
