did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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