you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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